Garlic press: [Sob] Thank you.
Me: For what?
Garlic press: I've missed you.
Garlic press: Your strong and gentle hands.
Garlic press: I've been lonely.
Me: I haven't been able to cook. The surgery, you know.
Garlic press: I know, but I do have needs you know.
Me: I love the smell of garlic in the morning.
Garlic press: It smells like victory.
Me: Or, at least, spaghetti sauce.
Garlic: We absolutely crushed that clove didn't we? Can we do it again?
Me: Sure, why not?
[With apologies to Protein Wisdom]